MARCH 19 — Sometimes I have really bad ideas.
My most recent one was thinking that I could relieve my back pain with massage machines.
I found out the hard way that it wasn’t my back hurting, it was my kidneys.
How do I know that?
By drinking some water right after using massagers, it was like being skewered right through my kidneys.
I also found out that for cancer patients in treatment, massage machines of any kind are a really bad idea.
You see, when you are in cancer treatment your entire body is the equivalent of an overboiled wet noodle.
Thanks to my overenthusiastic use of a back massager I was in excruciating, intermittent pain for nearly two days.
As I write this I am happy to report I am no longer in any pain though the persistent metallic taste lingers in my mouth, which rather ruins the taste of almost everything I eat.
I let myself have a chocolate drink the other day and could take only two sips of it because it tasted like drinking sludge.
Tragic, I know.
Next Monday I have to spend another half day in the hospital for my blood draw and check in with my oncologist before another round of immunotherapy and chemo on Wednesday.
I still want to head for the hills and never come back.
Still, I am comforted by the knowledge that I will eventually feel better after treatment and I’m trying to eat enough protein as well as exercise so I won’t feel too awful in between.
As I embrace my new reality of being chronically ill and, well, disabled (cancer and chronic illness are considered disabilities in many parts of the world but it’s a bit murky in Malaysia), I now have a new cane.
I had to order one online from overseas because there were limited choices locally.
Now I am the owner of a height-adjustable, foam-handled and flower patterned cane that is light and easy to carry as well as pack in a bag.
It also cost less than RM80.
A friend offered me the use of a wheelchair, but the stress of navigating our terribly maintained (or nonexistent) sidewalks as well as hauling one in and out of a Grab would probably drive me nuts, though the thought of having one to roll over the feet of annoying rude people is amusing.
Speaking of rude people, one particular older woman was staring way too hard (with a sour expression) at me in the supermarket so when I walked past her I asked if she wanted a closer look at my bald head.
Seriously, Malaysians need to learn manners and stop staring so much.
I am comforted by the knowledge that I will eventually feel better after treatment. — Unsplash pic/Peter Boccia
Speaking of manners, even though I am tired and in pain at public hospitals I somehow manage not to slap people who barge into hospital lifts, prick me with little care during blood draws or randomly try and ask me for money in the hospital hallways (true story).
That latest viral incident of someone being slapped in a Family Mart is disturbing as was the one of a minor being assaulted over a road infraction.
Assault is assault and just what is fuelling this desire to mete out physical punishment over the smallest things?
Unless in self-defence or protecting someone in need there is no excuse for hitting someone.
I do think, though, that Malaysians have a rage problem.
Misdirected rage is usually a symptom of deep-seated unhappiness.
Why are Malaysians unhappy?
I could list out a lot of things but right now Malaysians need a reason to be happier and I hope the government figures out one soon because I don’t need to see more angry old men slapping young people for no good reason.
I would of course be happy if you sent me a Ko-fi as I prepare myself mentally and physically for my second immunotherapy session.
Hopefully this time I don’t half-murder my kidneys by accident.
