MARCH 17 — In 2018, when Donald Trump decided that the best way to treat America’s closest ally was to slap tariffs on steel and aluminium, Washington expected Canada to take it on the chin. Instead, Canada fired back with a surgical set of counter-tariffs designed not to wound, but to humiliate — hitting bourbon, orange juice, and ketchup.
Because nothing says “Canada is pissed” quite like making sure Americans can’t properly enjoy their fries or their hangovers.
Fast forward to 2024, and here we are again — another White House, another trade dispute, another round of economic posturing. The US is back to its old habit of pretending Canada is some geopolitical afterthought rather than the country that keeps its energy supply stable, its auto industry humming, and its military radar functioning.
But this time, Canada has an opportunity to respond in a way that doesn’t just win the argument — it ends the game entirely.
Instead of retaliating with tariffs, Canada should have retaliated with tactful curiosity.
The “Annexation Gambit”
Imagine if, instead of counter-tariffs, Canada had responded to American economic aggression with a bemused, bureaucratic trap:
“Oh? Annexation, you say? Fascinating. Canada would love to hear exactly how the US plans to absorb a country larger than itself, with 40 million people, the world’s second-largest oil reserves, and a universal healthcare system its own citizens keep crossing the border to use. Sounds like quite the administrative challenge. Please, do go on.”
And then Canada could have just… waited.
Because annexing Canada isn’t like buying Greenland. It’s not like absorbing Puerto Rico. It’s a constitutional and logistical nightmare that would make Brexit look like ordering takeout.
US liquor and wine are removed from a store in Canada’s Ontario Province on February 3, 2025 — AFP picc
An Electoral College disaster
The US government, already fragile under the weight of its own dysfunction, would immediately collapse into a decade-long existential crisis.
Let’s start with the math problem.
Right now, the US has 538 electoral votes. Canada’s 40 million people would push the total US population to 371 million. Under the current system, Canada would be entitled to around 65–75 electoral votes — instantly making it the most powerful voting bloc in American history.
But it gets even worse for Washington.
- Canada would be the largest state by landmass, meaning Texas would immediately develop an identity crisis.
- California would no longer be the most powerful state — that honor would now belong to Canada, which, just for the fun of it, would likely vote Democrat just to watch Mitch McConnell turn the color of overcooked salmon.
- Every US election would hinge on whether voters in Moose Jaw and Halifax showed up.
The new swing states? Manitoba and PEI. Presidential candidates? They’d now be shaking hands in Nunavut and trying to prove they can survive a February in Winnipeg.
Oh, and then there’s healthcare.
The universal healthcare panic
If Canada became part of the US, it would no longer be a foreign country. Which means, every single American would have access to Canada’s universal healthcare system.
And that’s when Washington would truly break down.
- People in Arizona would start Googling, “How do I move to Manitoba?”
- Florida retirees would panic-buy Newfoundland real estate.
- New York landlords would lose their grip on extortionate rent prices because tenants could just move to Toronto and see a doctor for free.
Meanwhile, Congress would be on fire.
Fox News: “Is Canada Destroying America From the Inside?”
CNN: “How Trudeau’s Annexation Play Outmaneuvered Washington”
C-SPAN: [Two-hour special on whether Tim Hortons coffee should be considered a national entitlement program.]
Republicans — after decades of fear-mongering about socialized medicine — would suddenly have to explain why Americans were demanding it in record numbers.
And while Washington imploded, the original trade war — the one that started all of this — would disappear entirely.
The trade war vanishes in a bureaucratic sinkhole
Here’s the beauty of it: if Canada had played along, the whole premise of US tariffs would have collapsed before they even had time to take effect.
Some unfortunate White House intern, buried under mountains of unread trade reports, would eventually stumble into the Oval Office with a revelation:
“Sir… if Canada is part of the US, then Canadian aluminium and steel aren’t foreign anymore. That means we just spent years fighting a trade war… against ourselves.”
And just like that — game over.
No more tariffs. No more disputes over dairy quotas or softwood lumber. No endless negotiations over auto parts.
Just one, long, awkward silence as Washington realized that in its attempt to strong-arm Canada, it had instead backed itself into a corner where it was now actively considering a future where Americans were electing Prime Ministers from Toronto.
And after years of political paralysis, an exhausted senator from Ohio — his soul crushed by a decade of subcommittee hearings on “What to Do with Nunavut” — would finally stand up and say:
“You know what? This was a mistake. Let’s just leave Canada alone.”
And Canada, sipping a coffee that is somehow still too hot despite being left out for 20 minutes, would just nod and say, “Yeah, figured as much. No hard feelings, eh?”
The real lesson in diplomacy
For decades, Canada has responded to US economic aggression with well-calculated counterpunches. But what if the real power move was never retaliation, but letting America fight itself?
Because, in the end, Canada never had to win the trade war. Canada just had to hand the US enough rope to lose it.
And if, somewhere along the way, Washington realizes that a functional government with universal healthcare might actually be a good thing — they know exactly where to find us.
* Abbi Kanthasamy is a Canadian entrepreneur, photographer, and writer. An avid traveller, his journeys inspire and enrich his photography and writing.
** This is the personal opinion of the writer or publication and does not necessarily represent the views of Malay Mail.
